not lost.

happy wallowing

i’m wallowing today

in something

in some sort of

vague malaise

the initial cause of

which is


just general

light melancholy

but in the midst

of this rose-colored gloom

i feel some sort of

pleasure in the mood

we should feel

unashamed to admit

that on occasion

feeling bad

feels good

so when i read


this morning

i used it

as a green light

to allow myself

to wallow

in reasonless discontent

charlie ambler

founder of dailyzen

wrote some very good arguments

in favor of suffering

because suffering is

suffering exists

it’s a huge part of life

and we

as participants in life

should accept our suffering

and stop placing happiness

on an emotional pedestal

and yeah

of course


is far from suffering

i’m not conflating the two

but we so rarely

allow ourselves

to admit any emotion

other than “happy”

or any of its associated states

to ourselves

or to anyone who asks about us

which is a shame

but i get this too


our schadenfreudean society

is never more disappointed

and disoriented

when it meets

someone who

is truly


so then we waste

so much energy

on forcing happiness

into all of life’s occasions

when happiness

really doesn’t belong

everywhere at all times


i have had

such a good time

indulging in

extended sighs

and melodramatic pouts today

that at this point

i admit that

i am totally prolonging

my wallowing

on purpose :)

but that ends now

because being

in this life

with you


makes me




thank you

for reading

and for being :)

musings inspired by "You're Supposed to Suffer" by Charlie Ambler via Medium

days off days

examined inspiration